The fact that I didn’t post something like this after Liar Game says loads about how much more I love Kill Me Heal Me. Liar Game had a tightly-written, brilliantly paced plot with nary a hole in sight. Kill Me Heal Me had several flaws that I can name off the top of my head, but those can be made allowance for considering how plagued the production was with setbacks, from last-minute casting to Ji Sung’s poor vocal cords dying. I love both shows dearly but Kill Me Heal Me will likely remain eternally more dear for several reasons. Firstly, it had a level of heart that I’ve never seen before (in American shows or movies or other Kdramas). Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum’s ease with each other and incredibly acting skills resulted in a love so deep and glorious, it was awe-inspiring to watch them on screen. Secondly, KMHM is over. There’s no doubt about it, no hope for a second season to keep me warm at night like with Liar Game . Therefore every morsel becomes incredibly dear, and letting go is all the harder. My third reason can be summed up in three syllables: Shin Segi.

Thetalkingcupboard has a wonderful comic on just how things were for Segi

https://thetalkingcupboard.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/kill-me-heal-me-goodbye-se-gi/
(She’s also compiled an AMAZING list of parody videos made by fans! Rijin x Perry anyone?)

Reading it makes things all the worse, and reopens every single wound in my heart at his departure. Segi was written as a part of Dohyun’s broken psyche, the largest fragment of all his personalities but a fragment nevertheless. Yet, throughout the show, he has never felt more real. He was far more nuanced, more strong, and much more angry than the other personalities. Rather than a fragment of Dohyun, Dohyun has often felt like a fragment of him, especially during the earlier episodes. Looking at it from a logical point of view, Segi isn’t the main personality, and therefore never had a chance. But he’s always been the most vibrant, and the most broken person in the show. As such, seeing him vanish just like that is incredibly painful, especially since we’ve seen how much he wanted to live, and just how much he loved Rijin, time and time again.

He always felt like a full-fledged person, not that the other personalities weren’t, but he was just so real. Perhaps the fault lies with Ji Sung for bringing Segi to life so perfectly, such that one could easily say that three men loved Rijin: Ri On, Segi and Dohyun. That’s why this goodbye remains the most painful, heart-wrenching thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard before.  Even the idea that he’s living inside as a part of Dohyun isn’t enough consolation at times. Because Shin Segi was meant to walk the night and drive like a madman. And so my head cannot stop relieving the moment he leaves, with Ji Sung’s lovely OST echoing in my ears, saying it’s not fair, it’s not fair that he had to leave.

To me, just like Rijin and Dohyun, Segi needed to be healed as well. But then I think about it logically and realize that Segi and Dohyun are one and the same so healing one is the same as healing the other. I wanted both men to stay with her forever, for Segi to heal at Rijin’s side, so that she’d have the Beast and the Prince. No one would love her more. But with the root of Dohyun’s DID addressed, there was no longer any reason for him to continue to have DID. Writer Jin Soowan made the right choice here in sending Segi off, but some part of me cannot do the same, and so I remain unable to send off KMHM. Oh Ji Sung, the fault lies with you for making him and this show so perfect. In the spirit of finally letting him go, I make this post. Dear, dear Segi, or Dohyun rather, live long and happily inside Dohyun, as an irreversible part of Dohyun. He’s already started talking like you

(That is definitely the way Segi looks at her)
 
His gaze is now eerily similar to your own

he dresses like you

who knows what else might come through? Perhaps even a wink

And Rijin loves you just as much as she does him.

Rijin wasn’t rejecting you. She was healing you, fitting you back into the puzzle you belong to, so that neither you nor Dohyun need to live incomplete lives anymore. The Beast is the Prince, she knew that from the start, she’s just making sure you know it as well.

So don’t worry ’cause Dohyun’s going to be growling the way you do, switching to banmal the way you do, disregarding social norms to live life freely the way you did. You’re out of the basement now. Be happy with the woman you love, who loves you back just as dearly.

 

Yup, she’ll play with you forever. Just as she did when you and Dohyun weren’t one

  

So remember it, the night of March 12, 2015. The night you gained everything you ever wanted.

Be happy you two.

PS: All the cast interviews, the intial press conference and the wrap-up party BTS have been added to the complete Kill Me Heal Me torrent, so I recommend any who hasn’t seen either to watch it! I can help with torrenting if you need me to! 🙂 Plus there’s an absolutely beautiful epilogue written by Mau_Cherry on the KMHM soompi thread and I really, really recommend checking it out, since she remains absolutely true to the story and its wonderful characters. Here’s the link!:

http://forums.soompi.com/en/discussion/2025210/drama-2015-kill-me-heal-me-%ED%82%AC%EB%AF%B8-%ED%9E%90%EB%AF%B8-thank-you-for-all-the-support-and-concern/p1061
It’s the 17th post on that page (I think) and in is blue lettering. Enjoy!

Okay, my shirt is soaked with tears. I’m not even exaggerating in the slightest, my eyes feel raw. I feel raw, numb, dazed. This is going to be some withdrawal.

Let’s start with an overview of how far we’ve come before we get to the nitty gritties. Kill Me Heal Me, was a production that by all rights should have been a failure. Tossed and turned between actors and actresses, it was a surprise when an established pair suddenly clinched the lead roles. And one for which I’m profoundly, unbelievably grateful. Not only did Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum rise above and beyond to make this show a success, they did it with such incredibly heart and passion that it’ll be a while before I forget this (if ever). Kill Me Heal Me started off as a comedy of sorts, with a rather violent first two episodes, some pretty fun engrish and much flitting between genres. I liked it from the start, Ji Sung’s “I will come back…and break every single piece of your bone” had me gasping for air from how sexy that drawl was. I knew I’d be coming back for more. I just didn’t expect it to be this good. The show’s tone began to change slightly as we wore into episodes 4-7, pain, self-hatred, fear, concern, family politics set a rather serious tone, broken only by the alters; appearances and the trouble they caused. Episode 8 was where this took a turn towards the light and happy, with Rijin becoming Dohyun’s physician and Yona running around wreaking havoc and surprise kisses (*squeal*) and bouts of chasing after each other (literally and figuratively) and trying to tame Segi. Throughout it was an undercurrent of tension, a frission of conflict, regarding Dohyun’s past and just who the child in the basement was. Episode 14 was yet another turning point upon which all major secrets were revealed and Dohyun and Rijin broke down in agony. Pain, sacrifice, love and sorrow wrung hearts throughout episodes 15-17 until Segi reappeared and stretched out his hand, after which all the alters took turns in ensuring that Dohyun’s happiness was safeguarded. Episode19 was where ends began to tie up. And Episode 20 was where it was all wrapped up with a bow on top.

I truthfully don’t know whether I can bear to watch this drama again until after a while has passed. This episode was painful, to say the least, as we said goodbye to all the alters, including out very recent Mr. X, in a process that showed just how they might have been formed in the first place.

Continue reading “Kill Me Heal Me Finale Ep 20 Review (and Shin Segi the Magnificent’s last stand)” →

Is it day or night? Heaven or Earth? Where am I? Who am I? This episode has left me a complete and utter mess. I can’t even think or breathe at the moment. Good Lord, what is this complete and utter perfection? I can barely breathe from laughing like a madwoman, my cheeks hurt so bad at the moment for the crazy amounts of grinning, and my eyes were busy flip-flopping between laughing and crying.
Episode 18 was a sum of every single reason as to why I love this show. Pathos, comedy, romance, and rollicking fun!

Shin Se Gi’s wonderful 25 minutes in this show were just as brilliant as I’d hoped. Our man-boy is just as much fun as usual, and as completely mental as you might expect. I love how Rijin was already prepared for him to do something insane and texted Secretary Ahn in advance. See that, drama heroines? That’s called foresight, and I love that she knows that he’s a wildcard and accommodates for it (instead of being blind to his faults) because of how much she cares. Props to King Segi, himself, for obeying Rijin’s every command and I died of laughter the moment he gave up trying to keep rule number three.

And the beautiful conversation he had with Rijin was more proof to me that Segi really faces things head on. He’s similar with Dohyun in that neither wanted to bring up her lost memories if she didn’t remember them. Both wanted to protect her that way, but Segi has the courage to extend his hand and deal with the aftermath.

Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum have this incredible ability to make you feel everything their character is feeling. They make their characters three-dimensional in a manner that I wish all other actors could learn from. I can’t imagine another actress or actor pulling off this role, I really truly can’t. just as in Secret, these two took what they were given and made what could have been terrible cardboard –like characters blossom to incredible heights. You feel every bit of their pain and joy, and let me tell you that scene in the car after Dohyun returns, made my heart bleed like nothing ever has. You could see every bit of emotion rising in Hwang Jungeum’s eyes, their heartache was so palpable, I’m ruined for all other dramas. For eternity, or until these two pair up again. Continue reading “Kill Me Heal Me Ep 18 Review (and we’re back on track baby!)” →

This episode cleared up a lot of confusion regarding just what happened 21 years ago, and how badly Dohyun and Rijin’s lives were destroyed but was largely filler in terms of our leads taking action to secure their present

I’m just going to put this out of the way right now. If Chaeyeon tries/forces Dohyun into a contract marriage or whatever, I’m going to have a cow. Firstly, because it’s silly way of raising tension and sloppy writing to boot. This show has demonstrated anything but that so far, so I hope it doesn’t break its winning strea. Secondly, if Dohyun agrees to it (seeing that he said he was slowly going to make Seungjin his, this episode), I’m going to murder him and chuck this show in the rubbish pile, and only watch the final episode. I don’t care if it’s for Seungjin or ‘finding the truth’ or whatever, Dohyun and Segi the Magnificent can find the truth all by themselves and don’t need to ‘protect Seungjin’ in order to get it. Both are rightly repulsed by having to protect the Seungjin family as well and therefore shouldn’t bother with doing so, even for noble reasons. And just who does Chaeyeon think she is to appeal to Evil Grandma for her ‘permission’. Dohyun’s permission is what you need, girl. See I would feel sorry for her seeing how Segi played his cards well and has her confused, but seriously I’d run as far away as possible from a man who keeps flip-flopping like that and keeps warning you to stay away from him. How about you do just that? Just go away and live your life, leave Dohyun alone.

With that out of the way, I had a suspicion during episode 16 when I saw Rijin with her phone that there would be some sort of video message, but seeing that it didn’t make an appearance within Dohyun’s post-breakup sorrow, I thought I was reading too much into it. I’m glad to see that she had the courage to freely profess her love for Dohyun, while he shies away repeatedly not knowing what to do.

Ri On had the right idea (despite poor execution) in this episode. It is slightly hypocritical for him to point out just how much the others are hurting when it’s arguably his fault that it got this far. But frankly, as I can’t think of a way he would ever have broken the news that she was abused to her, I’m willing to cut him quite a bit of slack. Rijin needed a distraction, and he was willing to be as painfully cruel as he needed to be to get her out of her shell (exactly what he did when they were 7 years old). Rijin knows this, and has never failed to understand his small kindnesses and the depth of his love for her, hence the absolutely beautiful wordless exchange between the two. Ri On may unfortunately relegated to second lead status, the Oppa that will always just be the Oppa, but he doesn’t let that stop him from being the damn best oppa ever, and both Rijin (and Yona!) know and love that.

I love guessing right, and that my theory in all the alters being some manifestation of real people that Dohyun had known is accurate, makes me really happy. We know now the identity of the original Perry Park, Dohyun’s dad, as he was before he turned hard and cold and let revenge and his father’s constant belittling get to his mind. I’m a bit disappointed that Segi isn’t Dohyun’s really name but ah well, I’ll take what I can get. I wonder who Yona and Yosub are based on now and if we’ll ever see the mysterious Mr. X though, time is running out and I can’t wait to see where this show goes.

What this episode truly established during those flashbacks is that there wasn’t just one person responsible for what happen 21 years ago. This reminds of Secret (Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum ‘s previous drama) in which there wasn’t just one reason that Minhyuk’s lover died. Kudos to Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum for picking such multifaceted and brilliant projects once more. Cha Joon Pyo, Dohyun’s father wasn’t simply an animal, a bad guy who did bad things for the sole purpose of being bad. He shares an eerie similarity with Kang Doyoung from the just as brilliantly written Liar Game in that both are a product of their surroundings, and were unable to cope with being any less loved than they felt they should have been. We see how Joon Pyo’s coddling mother, blind to her child’s faults, created an inferiority complex within him, as he ventured into the outside world and failed to measure to the standards he thought he could scale. How Joon Pyo’s father made things worse by constantly comparing him to Soyeon, how Soyeon shunned him for another (the heart wants what it wants right?), and how he walked away from it all to a more peaceful life. I actually respect him for having the courage to do that, and pitied him all the more during that bright happy conversation with young Dohyun, because we know exactly how his future turned out. Even in his new life, ambition and greed kept pursuing him, this time in the form of his new wife, who’s selfishness led to him having to enter the Cha household once more, and discover that his old wife is passing around a child who isn’t his own as his heir. After years of feeling inferior, he finally cracks and we all know what happened next. It’s amazing just how much would have been solved if he’d been loved and raised properly. I can understand why he did what he did to poor Dohyun and RIjin but I can’t ever forgive or condone what he did. Because two broken lives remain in the wake of those awful months 21 years ago, and we have yet to see if they’ll heal.

The child actors here are magnificent. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was so moved and horrified by the childhood parts of a Kdrama. The requisite not-so-great acting in part of child actors has been a given for most, and I’ve never had much problem with it seeing that these are kids after all. But that movement Segi emerged from within little Dohyun’s body will never leave my mind. That child emanated such a dangerous, frightening aura I though I’d popped into a horror film. Props to you kid, here’s seeing you go far in the future.

Continue reading “Kill Me Heal Me Ep 17 Review (and Shin Segi the Magnificent IS BACK!)” →