Kill Me Heal Me (and why it still doesn’t feel over)

The fact that I didn’t post something like this after Liar Game says loads about how much more I love Kill Me Heal Me. Liar Game had a tightly-written, brilliantly paced plot with nary a hole in sight. Kill Me Heal Me had several flaws that I can name off the top of my head, but those can be made allowance for considering how plagued the production was with setbacks, from last-minute casting to Ji Sung’s poor vocal cords dying. I love both shows dearly but Kill Me Heal Me will likely remain eternally more dear for several reasons. Firstly, it had a level of heart that I’ve never seen before (in American shows or movies or other Kdramas). Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum’s ease with each other and incredibly acting skills resulted in a love so deep and glorious, it was awe-inspiring to watch them on screen. Secondly, KMHM is over. There’s no doubt about it, no hope for a second season to keep me warm at night like with Liar Game . Therefore every morsel becomes incredibly dear, and letting go is all the harder. My third reason can be summed up in three syllables: Shin Segi.

Thetalkingcupboard has a wonderful comic on just how things were for Segi

https://thetalkingcupboard.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/kill-me-heal-me-goodbye-se-gi/
(She’s also compiled an AMAZING list of parody videos made by fans! Rijin x Perry anyone?)

Reading it makes things all the worse, and reopens every single wound in my heart at his departure. Segi was written as a part of Dohyun’s broken psyche, the largest fragment of all his personalities but a fragment nevertheless. Yet, throughout the show, he has never felt more real. He was far more nuanced, more strong, and much more angry than the other personalities. Rather than a fragment of Dohyun, Dohyun has often felt like a fragment of him, especially during the earlier episodes. Looking at it from a logical point of view, Segi isn’t the main personality, and therefore never had a chance. But he’s always been the most vibrant, and the most broken person in the show. As such, seeing him vanish just like that is incredibly painful, especially since we’ve seen how much he wanted to live, and just how much he loved Rijin, time and time again.

He always felt like a full-fledged person, not that the other personalities weren’t, but he was just so real. Perhaps the fault lies with Ji Sung for bringing Segi to life so perfectly, such that one could easily say that three men loved Rijin: Ri On, Segi and Dohyun. That’s why this goodbye remains the most painful, heart-wrenching thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard before.  Even the idea that he’s living inside as a part of Dohyun isn’t enough consolation at times. Because Shin Segi was meant to walk the night and drive like a madman. And so my head cannot stop relieving the moment he leaves, with Ji Sung’s lovely OST echoing in my ears, saying it’s not fair, it’s not fair that he had to leave.

To me, just like Rijin and Dohyun, Segi needed to be healed as well. But then I think about it logically and realize that Segi and Dohyun are one and the same so healing one is the same as healing the other. I wanted both men to stay with her forever, for Segi to heal at Rijin’s side, so that she’d have the Beast and the Prince. No one would love her more. But with the root of Dohyun’s DID addressed, there was no longer any reason for him to continue to have DID. Writer Jin Soowan made the right choice here in sending Segi off, but some part of me cannot do the same, and so I remain unable to send off KMHM. Oh Ji Sung, the fault lies with you for making him and this show so perfect. In the spirit of finally letting him go, I make this post. Dear, dear Segi, or Dohyun rather, live long and happily inside Dohyun, as an irreversible part of Dohyun. He’s already started talking like you

(That is definitely the way Segi looks at her)
 
His gaze is now eerily similar to your own

he dresses like you

who knows what else might come through? Perhaps even a wink

And Rijin loves you just as much as she does him.

Rijin wasn’t rejecting you. She was healing you, fitting you back into the puzzle you belong to, so that neither you nor Dohyun need to live incomplete lives anymore. The Beast is the Prince, she knew that from the start, she’s just making sure you know it as well.

So don’t worry ’cause Dohyun’s going to be growling the way you do, switching to banmal the way you do, disregarding social norms to live life freely the way you did. You’re out of the basement now. Be happy with the woman you love, who loves you back just as dearly.

 

Yup, she’ll play with you forever. Just as she did when you and Dohyun weren’t one

  

So remember it, the night of March 12, 2015. The night you gained everything you ever wanted.

Be happy you two.

PS: All the cast interviews, the intial press conference and the wrap-up party BTS have been added to the complete Kill Me Heal Me torrent, so I recommend any who hasn’t seen either to watch it! I can help with torrenting if you need me to! 🙂 Plus there’s an absolutely beautiful epilogue written by Mau_Cherry on the KMHM soompi thread and I really, really recommend checking it out, since she remains absolutely true to the story and its wonderful characters. Here’s the link!:

http://forums.soompi.com/en/discussion/2025210/drama-2015-kill-me-heal-me-%ED%82%AC%EB%AF%B8-%ED%9E%90%EB%AF%B8-thank-you-for-all-the-support-and-concern/p1061
It’s the 17th post on that page (I think) and in is blue lettering. Enjoy!