Kill Me Heal Me

Kill Me Heal Me Ep 18 Review (and we’re back on track baby!)

Is it day or night? Heaven or Earth? Where am I? Who am I? This episode has left me a complete and utter mess. I can’t even think or breathe at the moment. Good Lord, what is this complete and utter perfection? I can barely breathe from laughing like a madwoman, my cheeks hurt so bad at the moment for the crazy amounts of grinning, and my eyes were busy flip-flopping between laughing and crying.
Episode 18 was a sum of every single reason as to why I love this show. Pathos, comedy, romance, and rollicking fun!

Shin Se Gi’s wonderful 25 minutes in this show were just as brilliant as I’d hoped. Our man-boy is just as much fun as usual, and as completely mental as you might expect. I love how Rijin was already prepared for him to do something insane and texted Secretary Ahn in advance. See that, drama heroines? That’s called foresight, and I love that she knows that he’s a wildcard and accommodates for it (instead of being blind to his faults) because of how much she cares. Props to King Segi, himself, for obeying Rijin’s every command and I died of laughter the moment he gave up trying to keep rule number three.

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And the beautiful conversation he had with Rijin was more proof to me that Segi really faces things head on. He’s similar with Dohyun in that neither wanted to bring up her lost memories if she didn’t remember them. Both wanted to protect her that way, but Segi has the courage to extend his hand and deal with the aftermath.

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Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum have this incredible ability to make you feel everything their character is feeling. They make their characters three-dimensional in a manner that I wish all other actors could learn from. I can’t imagine another actress or actor pulling off this role, I really truly can’t. just as in Secret, these two took what they were given and made what could have been terrible cardboard –like characters blossom to incredible heights. You feel every bit of their pain and joy, and let me tell you that scene in the car after Dohyun returns, made my heart bleed like nothing ever has. You could see every bit of emotion rising in Hwang Jungeum’s eyes, their heartache was so palpable, I’m ruined for all other dramas. For eternity, or until these two pair up again. That moment when she just understood, and felt every ounce his pain as her own, and knew that he’d been doing the same for her was enough for me. These two really, really get each other. And for her to give him her name was just beautiful.

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Dohyun is Dohyun just as Rijin is Rijin, calling them another name at this point doesn’t feel right. There was something beautiful born out of those horrible memories and Rijin was the first to see it where Dohyun saw nothing but terror and guilt. But as her eternal optimism lights his life once more, Dohyun begins to step away from the terror and horror of it all, not discarding those memories, but finding the beauty in them for the first time. Hence, why him gently saying that the name that linked them throughout the years was so beautiful to hear. I love you, Cha Dohyun.

I wanted to tear my hair out during that conversation outside Ssangri. I was like “Honestly? What’s keeping you two from each other now? Are we pulling a Dalpo and Inha?” And BAM, along comes our favourite ahjusshi!

I love how this show pokes fun at itself sometimes. This was quite noticeable in Perry’s irritated comments.
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Just like us, he’s aware that these two are filming a melodrama and that talking things out solves everything. It’s satisfying, humourous, and ridiculously meta to see that this scriptwriter knows EXACTLY what she’s doing and even hilarious moments like these have a deeper purpose. I love Perry’s easy acceptance into the Oh family, and Rijin’s dad’s ridiculous obliviousness and the way they hit it off so well. Perry now has a drinking buddy. Which may not be a great thing. Someone please save these two from themselves! (And the Heavenly Bubbles!)
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Got to admit I was expecting Yona the moment Dohyun awoke after  being flung on that bed. But Yosub was just as good if not even better. I’m beyond glad that he’s back, and ridiculously sad that this might be the last of him. If anyone’s time was limited, it was Yosub. He was born out of Dohyun’s and his own depression, and for that to disappear would mean that he has no reason to exist. I’m still not sure what path this show is going to take in terms of ‘integration’ and I stick to my previous dream that all the alters will continue to exist, as Rijin said in episode 8, as a super awesome puzzle inside a super awesome being, but I hope that today wasn’t Yosub’s farewell. I loved that gentle kiss he gave Rijin though. Awww! I felt like I was watching my son grow up. Which is insane because I’m barely two years out of high-school, but there you go. I hope he stays and finds a new reason for existing instead of death. Write that poem, Yosub-ah, live for your dream. Go on and insult Omega to his face (I’d love to see how that goes), just don’t leave.

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Queen Yona the Fantastic returns once more to wreck havoc on poor Ri On’s heart. See this is what I loved so much about this show the unusual humour popping up right when you expect a weepfest. We’d plenty of the latter the last three episodes, so I literally screamed for joy when the alters began to go in and out of Dohyun’s body like a revolving door (yes, that was a IHYV pun). But even that has a purpose besides giving us a belly of laughs. It’s amazing how just two sentences on Ri On’s part can make so many lightbulbs go on. Dohyun has thought of himself and the alters as fragments of a monster for an incredibly long time, and even they’re aware to some extent of how they do make life difficult for him (though most like Yona, Perry and Segi, just don’t care about it) so it’s amazing to see how they’re protecting him now, aware that he doesn’t have the courage to face Rijin but they sure as hell do. What’s even better is that they all truly like Rijin and are willing to cover for her and Dohyun’s relationship. From Perry insisting that he wasn’t the one dating her, to Yosub sadly admitting that Dohyun won’t be attempting suicide, to Yona ‘fixing’ Rijin’s hair, these people all love Dohyun and her in some strange fashion. Once can say that there’s some self-presevation in there, because if Dohyun dies, so do they. I’m not saying they’re entirely altruistic (Yona, especially) but they do care, in an odd fashion. The very personalities Dohyun believed made him broken, are now the people who are trying to make him whole and that is ridiculously heartwarming.

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I really, really love Rijin. I love her inner strength, and outer strength (whoa she sure gave that Alex fellow what for) and wacky sense of humour (did you see that look her face when Yona was trying to tumble her brother?) but best of all I love her empathy and sheer love for Dohyun. Once he finally puts his hand out to her, admitting to just how much he cares, she’s more than willing to do the rest and jump in once more. Only it’s even better now, because there aren’t any secrets between the two. Thank goodness for Rijin’s continued awesomeness to change that first clause into something I’ve been clamoring for since ep 15. That’s it you two, work it all out together.
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(That’s a Segi line, ain’t it?)

This show, at its heart, is a character study, romance and family drama. It touches and provokes rather deep questions, such as was it means to truly be ourselves, and where things can go horribly wrong. But best of all it tells the tale of two slightly broken people, who heal each other and in doing so, heal themselves. As Rijin notes, the scar on his heart is the same as hers, so there’s no reason for the two not to work through everything together. The upcoming obstacles almost seem paltry, in the fact of this new happiness. Alex, Seungjin Group, whatever the hell Chaeyeon and Evil Grandma are planning, all of that vanishes the moment Dohyun takes Rijin in his arms. I swear I felt like I was watch Beauty and Beast, or intruding on some couple’s playtime, when Dohyun whisked her away in that twirl at the end. Holy, moly ravioli, I nearly died of pleasure. Now don’t let go of each other you hear me? Rijin, just tie him up against if you have to. That’s a total of three bonds, contractual, physical, plus that red string of fate. Dohyun’s never getting away again.

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Dohyun, Dohyun, Dohyun. Thank you. I might have ragged on him a little in episode 17 (I hate seeing him cry, he’s such a good person, I just hate seeing him hurt) about being a little weak, but abuse and guilt are never easy things to work past. He’s a rather gentle fellow as well and had finally found the love of his life only to discover just how badly she’d been hurt due to his family’s actions. But here’s what rises to the surface over and over again, and just sucks me back into him each time. It’s not all me, me, me, with Dohyun. He hurts because of her pain, and of how badly it’s going to hurt both of them to see the other so broken. You can’t help but love a guy with such a marshmallow heart. And even better, Dohyun is very , very aware of his faults. He knows he’s being weak, he knows he’s letting the alters take over. And he doesn’t mind one bit, because it allows him to be close to her, because he wants to be closer to her.  And so when he wakes up tied to her wrist (rawr) he’s not complaining one bit. It’s more of a relief for him. The fact that she accepts him regardless of the past, the fact that she doesn’t hold him responsible (who would!) only accelerates that healing process. And sleeping side by side, he finally gives up. Screw guilt, and all those emotions threatening to drag him under. He’ll do what it takes to fight for his happiness, from overtaking Seungjin Dohyun/Segi style (there really is some crazy Segi flair in him when he speaks to Evil Grandma) to pretending to be Yona to stay a few minutes longer in his beloved’s bedroom.
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As Rijin said to Evil Grandma, which Dohyun has learnt through much hardship, rather than creating a new beginning what’s important is to begin anew and create a wonderful ending.

And that is what I’m expecting from you, you brilliant beautiful show. Somehow I know I won’t be disappointed.

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6 thoughts on “Kill Me Heal Me Ep 18 Review (and we’re back on track baby!)

  1. Thank you for your recap and wonderful insights.

    I only want to add some of my random thoughts:
    1. I love how Yona and Yosub are twins but conflict to the core as 2 sides of a magnet. Yona falls in loveat first sight with Ri On while Yosub instantly dislikes Omega as a writer.
    2. If Dohyun father ever wakes up, I hope he is amnesia and becomes Perry Park himself – the dorky and bright personality that only wants to live freely and happily. This is my wish for Dohyun and Rijin in the future to face him with less past nightmares, and also for him to amend and make up for the 2 souls that he hurt so deeply with his abusive self…

  2. Thank you for the beautiful recap and thoughts. I was abit disappointed with episode 18 initially, because I thought it was quite fast for Do Hyun to suddenly get over his guilt and want to face hardships with Ri Jin (The last of Do Hyun was outside Ssang Ri, determined to leave Ri Jin; yet when he saw her sleeping beside him, he was determined to make things work. That was why I thought it flipped too fast.)

    However, after reading the bit where you said, ” Dohyun is very , very aware of his faults. He knows he’s being weak, he knows he’s letting the alters take over. And he doesn’t mind one bit, because it allows him to be close to her, because he wants to be closer to her. And so when he wakes up tied to her wrist (rawr) he’s not complaining one bit.”, it gave me an insight to what was his emotions at that point in time.

    Although I was peeved that Do Hyun wanted to leave Ri Jin countless of times, and even more peeved when his alters are so brave to go look for her, i overlooked that fact that the alters are fragments of himself. They are him, and the fact that his alters look for Ri JIn, tells us the internal struggle Do Hyun is facing.

    I love the bit where Do Hyun woke up beside Ri Jin and does not freak out. Because this show has come a long way, where Do Hyun once thought he was a monster, comes to embrace his alters naturally as a part of him. When he laughed in the car at his failed attempt of cosplaying Yo Na, he is not only laughing at his goofiness, but the fact that his complete personality may have this crazy sasaeng side. I won’t be surprised that when the alters integrate, he will be a wonderful chairman for Seung Jin, or even ID Entertainment at best, given Yo Na’s up-to-date celebrity news, Segi’s determination, Perry’s easy-going character and Yo Sub’s rationality.

    If there are anything I am worried about for this show, will be as to how the problem of Alex is resolved, and as to how Seung Jin will cope when the secrets leak out to the world. Once Seung Jin is down by the blows of the truth, Do Hyun will have to shoulder even more responsibilities. In addition, I’m really curious as to how both families will react to their relationship. Mama Ji and Papa Oh especially……even though they are not Ri Jin’s blood parents, I believe they will initially strongly object to her dating the son of the man who once abused her. As for the Cha family, it will also be difficult to convince her of their relationship.

    With only 2 more episodes left, these loose ends still need to be tied, plus not forgetting at least 20 happy minutes of our OTP + Oh Family at the end!!!

    I have never been so heavily invested in a drama before because this is the first one that has captured my soul and broke it to fragments (LOL) with it’s convincing storyline, and even more so convincing acting!

    It’s HIIIIIGH time we have an official fan base name for this show.

    1. Thanks so much! 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed reading it. Well the finale passed and some loose ends were tied while others weren’t (though I really have no issue with those). And guess what? There is an actually fanbase for this show! I just found out yesteryday but they’re called Mimi, seeing that the official abbreviation for the show is KillHill, due to how Korean syllables work. I was wondering why the viewer message at the end of the show said ‘Mimideul’ and now we know! 😀 This drama has generated a ridiculous amountof buzz both in and out of Korea and gained both Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum a great deal of fans. Even the OST is selling at three times the usual number of sales! I’m pretty sure that it’s going to become crazy population once it airs in China and Japan throughout this year, and thereby set off Kill Me Heal Me waves in Asia. Which is definitely a good thing, seeing that it would clinch Ji Sung and Hwang Jungeum those acting awards (that Daesang for Ji Sung!) they are so deserving of!

  3. you have a way with words and i’m smiling all throughout while reading your article. thank you for putting into words what i am feeling for this show and its wonderful, wonderful cast. i admit to being too lazy to think constructively, i often just end up uttering “oh, how i love KMHM”, or “jisung and hwang jeung eum are such great actors” after watching every episode. when i read forums and other blogs people are usually discussing about their theories on the mystery of the past which led to DH’s DID, which, although very effective in creating excitement in the story, is not the main reason why i love the show. i love it for the character interactions, for the way they balance out the tragedy with the comedy, i love it from the moment Dohyun was shown hilariously tied upside down and dunked head first in a tub of water; and i love Rijin’s highstrung attitude, as opposed to Cha Do Hyun’s gentle manners, the psychiatrist who is seemingly more “unstable” than her mental patient. i don’t want to jinx it, but i’m pretty sure i will be as satisfied with the drama’s ending as i had been by the end of episode 18.

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